Enjoying God's Gift

Singing has been my passion ever since my childhood days. I remember being asked often by my teachers to sing in school programs. Twice I won in singing contests. I was always eager to learn new songs and I would try to memorize them by heart.
When I entered high school, my voice seemed to change. I couldn't hit high notes and I started to experience doing falsetto. I lost twice in contests. I was seldom asked to sing both by teachers & classmates. This made me shy away all the more.
Enter college. I was overly amazed to see so many talented students who sang perfectly well & whose voices caught me in awe. With this scenario, I became more conscious of my voice...trying so hard to imitate them, trying so hard to practice to sing like them. Gradually I started to accept the fact that there's something wrong with the way I sing. Though I still struggle to be hopeful that someone will notice me but sadly no one did. I wanted to join in a choir with the hope that I can be trained to sing the proper way but nobody seems to be interested in taking me in.
Fast forward...years passed. I got married & have 3 kids - and they're the only ones who hear me sing often.
November 2009, I was asked to join the choir (Marriage Encounter Praise Ministry) here in our parish. I was surprised and overwhelmingly thrilled. Practice days are one of my favorites and it doesn't matter if it takes the whole night or even until midnight to sing songs of Praise.
But somehow an inner part of me was hungry for affirmations. It seemed I needed to know if I really know how to sing, if I do have a beautiful voice. I was waiting for an answer but none came. I started to suffer emotionally and spiritually. What if I am not really called for this ministry? What if this is not God's will but my will?
Things became worse for me when I started to hear "not-so-good" comments. People started to look for better singers, they started to compare me with others and others went so far as to laugh at the way I sing and to give other negative criticisms. It made a piercing sting in my heart. I wanted to quit...actually I did quit. I stopped singing for a few months.
"How can I stop from singing Your praise?...so the song goes. I went back again to singing...on & off I go. I became ultra-sensitive to comments and reactions. Until I grew exhausted and eventually stopped yearning for affirmations. Though my heart tells me that I am singing for the Lord and not for men but my head needs to know if I can really sing as good as those whom the people wants. I surrendered and assured myself I will never be as good as anyone of them.
Singing then became a "fit-in-schedule-when-available". I even stopped singing at home and I stopped thinking about it too. But my heart's passion pushed me to reflect and in the deepness of my soul I started to pray. Then it dawned on me as I remember in one of Rick Warren's words that when a parent did something good for their child and saw that it is greatly appreciated by the child, it makes them happy. I, then, came to full realization that God gave me this voice, this ability to sing as a gift and if God sees me enjoying and using this gift to the fullest it would please Him, making Him happy and He would smile down at me and say "I am glad you like my gift, Mel. I made it especially for you. No one has the same voice as yours. It is unique and you entertain me every time you sing your heart out."
And that's it. I sang my heart out. No strict training, no rigorous voice exercises, just love, deep passion and intense desire to please the Father who gave me this lovely gift. And you know what, people noticed me last Sunday and gave such nice affirmations I never, never expected. Truly..."seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you." I sought God's affirmation first and He gave me what I needed to hear. This is such an amazing grace! "How can I stop from singing Your praise? How can I ever say enough...how amazing is Your love?... I know I am loved by the King and it makes me heart want to sing.."